Inner Thoughts from ME

2002-09-03T23:19:00.000-05:00

Well it's been a while since I've bloged. From the comments thingy it looks as though I blog to myself but fuck it I don't care. I'm in CA finally, I took a job with Philips. It's a really great offer. It's some what ironic that I was able to leave KS and return on a better note than before. This whole thing was an incredible experience. I'm glad it happened, ALL of it. Looking back I think it's for the best.
I now plan to settle into Nor Cal and make it home, at least for two or three years. I've already told Philips that I'm interested in touring CHina eventually and they seemed pretty receptive to it. There's a part of me that wishes I had returned to LA but fuck it, I know more people up here and I think the job I took will end up being better in the end. They are going to pay for my MBA which is huge. The money was better here but that's not what I was looking at. Still though there's that wonder, would AOL have been a better gig?? I'll never know. I guess that's jus tme though, The grass is always greener on the other side and I always want to see it. Hee Hee. More later.

2002-08-15T01:03:00.000-05:00

I leave for CA tomorrow, I can't wait. I only wish I had done it sooner. Oh well the past is the [ast, now bring on the future!!

2002-08-06T11:41:00.000-05:00

I'm so bored now that I have actually quit my job,.... no I'm still working till the end of the week but for some reason I just can't get myself to do anything. Oh well. I'm a little nervous since I don't have a job 100% locked down. But it does feel good to give KPMG the boot. God I hate it here in KS. What a stupid decision that was. I have been going over it in my head the last couple of days. I really, really wish (a) I hadn't come here in the first place and (b) I would have quit in April when I was thinking about it. How can a guy make so many bad decisions in one year? I only hope that all the decisions I make from this point forward are good and well founded.

2002-08-05T11:06:00.000-05:00

I'm back from CA. Interviews went really well. I think I'm going to be working in San Diego now, unless Phillips comes threw in Nor Cal. The week ws fast, between driving from SD to SJ, beating George in Virtual Tennis, and eating out every meal, I didn't have time to do much. I need to workout, wow I feeel like a fat piece of shit.
I had a good time playing chess with Jon, however he beat me everytime. I will have to work on that.
I leave for CA next week for good. Waaa Whooo! See you silly freaks out there.

2002-07-24T14:52:00.000-05:00

It's on! I have 2 interviews so far for next week. I think I will have more once I get there and actually meet with the head hunters. I have decided that i want to only live in nor Cal though, why? Because i don't know really anybody in So Cal, and it was very boring most of the time before. So I will focus only on Nor Cal. I hope things work out. We will see i guess. No matter what at least I get a week in CA with no work!!

2002-07-22T12:22:00.000-05:00

I just got back from Washington DC last night. What a great town DC is. I had a blast. I also went to PA and visited my relatives. They are so much fun. I kinda wish I lived closer to them.

2002-07-15T16:45:00.000-05:00

I went out last night with about 7 college friends. It started at my house, I live with 2 of my college buddies and then 2 others came over. We were drinking some beers and laughing about old stories. As it turns out a team that I started back in college, the Pub Ducks, for intramural sports is still around today. Isn't that hilarious? I guess each year they the older guys hand off the admin responsibilities to a younger guy much like I did and the result is my team is still alive. Anyway...... So we called some other friends and 8 of us went down to a local bar, sat out on the patio, drank beer and margaritas, and laughed about old stories. What a great time. It's amazing how college friends bond. Even though I had been gone for three years and rarely talk to some of them it was like we hadn't missed a beat. All of us had to work today but we closed down the bar in college style. I feel like shit right now but it was well worth it. I wish I could move all my friends to CA then life would be just fine. Oh well... I do have good friends in CA as well. Post is you can tell what this Chinese phrase spelled in English is; wa hen she whan wa gee gu poun yo.

2002-07-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

I'm always amazed at how badly people want to be in shape and how they can't get themselves to do it. I understand the struggles, I've been working out for about 15 years now and I find it very difficult to go to the gym at times and even take a couple months off here and there.
I am working at this government building right now and everybody I work around is seriously obese, I'm not exaggerating either, everybody. They constantly talk about diets and working out as they stuff cake, donuts, and cookies into their faces. It's not my place to judge but Jesus. I just don't understand to psychology behind it, on one hand I think that they are talking about dieting and working out as they give into gluttony so they can ease their conscience about their habits. Then on the other hand I think they want very badly to stop the pattern that they are in and constantly talk about it but don't know how to.
It is very hard to establish working out in your life, just ask George! Smile, just kidding. I have known many people who have asked me how to workout, can I design a workout, can I tell them how to eat, ect. ect. I always do, I want to help these people get into fitness it will change their lives for the better. But almost always with one exception that I can think of, I stand in amazement as they continue to do nothing.
Earlier today I was very annoyed by these people that I'm working with, but now that the day has worn on I feel more sorry for them than anything else. Maybe they just don't know how. Or, matbe they just have bad genes and can't lose weight, who knows, I'm rambling. Bye.

2002-07-09T10:23:00.000-05:00

I had to post this. I just got a call from the Monster.com people. They are putting together a brochure featuring the types of quality candidates that are using their web site as an employment search tool. they came across my resume and wanted to feature it in their brochure!! Isn't that cool? So does this mean i should have no problems getting a job? Not due to the fact that it's in Monster's brochure because my name won't be used but if it's good enough to be in their brochure I would think it would be impressive enough to land me a job. Well it has given me some optimism anyway.

2002-07-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

It's supposed to be 110 degrees in KS today, Jesus somebody shoot me. I am truly ruined after living in CA. I can't stand this heat anymore. I didn't know any different before I moved but now that's all changed. NOW, I see why Californians make fun of the rest of the Nation or just don't think about it. We (I am a Californian, just look at my drivers license) live in the absolute best state in the Union!!

Smeltering for my last year in the arm pit of the nation,
ME

2002-07-08T16:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I've begun the job hunt full force now. It's pretty ironic I left Nor Cal a couple of years ago, almost, and I wanted to live in LA, now I find myself wanting to live in Nor Cal. No, not because of her, but because everbody I know is in Nor Cal. I don't really know too many people in So Cal and the ones I do didn't even live in LA. If I get a job in LA I will still be prefectly happy though. Anything that gets me out of the Midwest.
I am glad in a small way that I came back here. It has opened my eyes to a lot. Much more than would have been expected. I feel like I've learned quite a bit from this episode. Lessons that can be applied to the future in order to aviod having to incur more hardship to learn. That's what it's all about right? Learning from the past and applying to the future. Some people however don't get that and continually make the same mistakes over and over. The secret is the disipline in applying those lessons. Sometimes it may not be what you want to do but you know it's better for you.
Well anyway... much was learned. My only hope, wish, prayer, whatever is that I get a job before I return and I don't lose much ground there. If I get my old job back I will be the happiest White Guy this side of the Mississippi. Time will tell. No matter what I'm coming out in August with or without a job. See you out there!!

2002-07-02T11:05:00.000-05:00

I hate KS:
God it is hot here, was it always this hot? I can't remember it being this way. Oh well. I need to get back to CA sooooo badly. I wish I could leave today. The job thing started out very strong but has now tapered off a bit. I really wish I had never left. I think that decision will haunt me for many many years. Well it's a tuff time right now, with all the unknowns but I guess I have no choice other than to keep trying.

2002-06-19T14:28:00.000-05:00

I recently read a quote from another blog speaking about white guys and Asian girls dating. It was amazing to me how biased the quote was against the subject and the author of the blog didn't even acknowledge the point. The quote as follows:
"75% of the time that white guy is diggin you because you're exotic. You're submissive. You're a sex slave. You don't speak up. You know your place. You're a trophy.
There's a running joke that white guys can't tell the difference between an ugly Asian girl and a pretty Asian girl. That as long as they've got the silky black hair and slanted eyes, that's good enough for them. For the most part, this is true. "

Clearly this was written by an Asian guy who is against it. Who makes up this 75% of white guys? How many were polled? What is their age range? Economic scale? I can tell you if you polled 100 white guys who are young professionals living in SF around the age of 30 you will get a big difference then that of 100 white guys around the age of 20 stationed in Korea for the armed services. People read things and think since it's published it must have validity to it. Everyone knows that statistics lie.
The part about the black hair and the slanty eyes, common. If the white guy is attracted to the girl and the girl is attracted to the guy who gives a shit. I understand the point, he's saying that the girl the white guy finds attractive isn't attractive to Asian guys, fine who gives a shit. Have you ever seen the types of white girls that date black guys? They can keep those girls as far as I'm concerned. But to each his own. What difference does it really make. It makes none. This quote was written by a guy with a chip on his shoulder about white guys dating Asian chicks, plain and simple.

2002-06-18T09:13:00.000-05:00

Drinking:
I have been drinking a lot more since I got back into KC. In LA I didn't drink much because, well I really didn't like it much. I always end up doing or saying something stupid and the next day I feel like shit but more inportantly I spend soooooo much money doing it. Well I have decided that I am once and for all done with it. I am not going to drink anymore. I was able to go months in LA without drinking and when I did I was only social drinking because of the people I was around. So I know I will have no problems with abstaining.
I watch my friends who haven't stopped heavy drinking since college, continue to drink every weekend and some weeknights. It's ridiculous. The hilarious part is they don't know how good you feel and how much energy you have once you stop for a couple weeks because the never have. Oh well, maybe some day they will wake up but I doubt it, it's the enviornment that they are in, it's a vicious circle.

2002-06-17T09:50:00.000-05:00

Sushi in Kansas City:
Ever since I have come back to KC my sushi eating experience have been very poor. Which sucks because I love sushi all so much. Well last night proved to be the same, sushi in the midwest sucks, I guess I have to face that fact and stop eating it here. I have been all over this city in search of good sushi. People will recommend a place, "it's really good sushi" and then I find out that it isn't. Well what do you expect from people who have never had sushi in CA? Now I kind of understand why most of my friends don't like sushi. If all I had to measure it with was the crap served here I wouldn't like it either.

2002-06-14T12:18:00.000-05:00

testing url image post

(image)(/image)

2002-06-14T09:49:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Columbia today to hang out with my parents, brothers, and their wives and children. I don't really want to go but I do it because everybody else wants me to. I don't like being around my brothers and their family’s because all it does is make me look back at myself. The part I don't get is I'm the one who went to college and did everything right, I'm the one that both my brothers and parents call for advice and yet I'm the one with the least in every aspect of life. Sometimes I think I'm pretty smart and i have a better grasp than most people on relationships, forces in life, and impacting circumstance and yet at times like these I feel like the dumest person in the world because I can't for the life of me figure it out. I think it was Socrates’ who said the man who admits he knows nothing is truly intelligent, so does that mean I'm smarter when I can't figure anything out and admit it??
I think back threw my life at all the incredible hard times that I faced and I faced them all alone. I know it's why I'm able to be so rational about most things. It's why I can forgive people for things so easily and appreciate small things that others do. Well I'm at another extremely hard time in my life and I guess my only hope is I come out of this one first and second that I'm able to apply lessons learned here to the future.

2002-06-13T10:51:00.000-05:00

California dreaming, I have spent the last couple days wishing, dreaming, wondering about going back to CA. God I feel as though I have never made a bigger mistake in my life then the one to leave CA. Can it be correct sure, but the problem is how? I think it may be very difficult to get back out there. Jobs are tuff to come by now and how much money will I need to stay afloat unemployeed, how long can I stay like that. It's a scary prospect. It's a time when i will definitely need friends around me to keep me going. I keeping hoping that I will already have a job lined up out there before I go so the transition will be easy. I'm thinking of turning on Monster at the beginning of July and then still taking my vacation that was to be used for China to interview. I'll have to see how these next couple weeks go.

2002-06-12T10:45:00.000-05:00

Get this, I'm working on a benefit plan right now for TWA, actually 5 of them, and I just found out that I have to log my time in 6 minute intervals!! What the hell. I've never heard of such a thing, I keep terrible time on my jobs as is, I try to approximate withing an hour or two but 6 minute intervals?? This is going to be a fun time. Especially since I've already been on the job for 3 weeks now and haven't kept a log on any of my time. I will have to go back and try to figure were I spent it.

2002-06-11T21:58:00.000-05:00

So I have been playing this game Wolfenstain now for about 3 months. It has completely consumed me. I play everynight and read stuff during the day. About 2 months ago JW my roomate and noticed that some players have tags on their names, this indicates they are in a clan (example =SK=LA_GUY). A clan is a group of guys usually between 15 and 30 that go and play against other clans in tournaments. So... some clans asked me and JW to join and we finally did, =SK=. It's so fun because now I know these guys that I play with each night and we have a web site where people post things almost like a blog and the other members comment. I know if I were on the outside looking in on this I would think what a complete dork, but it is really fun so what the hell.

2002-06-11T09:30:00.000-05:00

I think I've figured it out, it's because I don't have the comments thing being hosted right? Who the hell am i asking this to? Only I and one other person reads this and I know she doesn't know. Arghhhh!!!!

Well I've wasted the entire morning going to all these sites that are supposed to host comments however none of them are excepting new users, so, I was trying to figure out what the heck all the PHP, and other things were. I don't know. I think I give up. Not sure we'll see tonight.

Ha it does work I just had to wait until the system updated my page i guess. Now I have a new problem, I gave Jon my page address, no longer private. I doubt he will be stopping by, but you never know, I get bored and even read stuff off James and Victor sometimes, hmmmm. I will have to think if I like the idea of this being known to others. Seems so personal. But then again who wants to only write to themselves.

2002-06-11T09:28:00.000-05:00

I was looking at my page how you will see it (the many viewers I have, lol) and I realized that most of my text was in the two blogs I took out.

2002-06-11T09:14:00.000-05:00

testing my comments thing, Jon sent me an e-mail on how to do this however it's code!!!! I've never even seen code so I read his e-mail and put it in the template section so after I post this if there is no comment then we know I did it wrong.

Well I see Ihave the little ( ) on each one but it doesn't open into a comment thing. Maybe I should just ask Jon to help me? I hate not being able to figure things out on my own though. I'll keep fooling with it, I'm sure the last thing he wants to do is jack around with my Blog Page.

2002-06-10T21:42:00.000-05:00

First good talk. We had our first good talk this evening since the episode. Although she did need advice, but it's nice to know that she respects my advice, afterall I do know her better than herself, right? Well I hope we continue to have good talks in the future, can't be friends without good talks.

2002-06-10T14:52:00.000-05:00

I wish I could get a comments thing in here, I put a comment on Jon's spot asking him if he would tell me. The game I play Wolfestein is slowly consumming my life, I play all night and while at work I read forums and web pages about it. Kind of funny I guess.

I have edited this since last post.

2002-06-10T12:47:00.000-05:00

Spoke to KPMG MAS in LA today I think I may have a chance a getting my job back, we'll see. I've been drunk for about two weeks now helped with the break situation however now it's time to get back to my normal life.

2002-06-02T15:34:00.000-05:00

Removed Post.

2002-06-01T22:29:00.000-05:00

removed do to request

2002-06-01T17:03:00.000-05:00

removed do to request

2002-05-31T20:30:00.000-05:00

First blog. I have a lot to say but I need a little time to gather these thoughts into a collective whole.